Saturday, June 22, 2013

Beletseri's #CBR V Review 16 My Favorite Witch by Lisa Plumley

I’m going to try and keep this review short, mostly because I read this book about a month or so ago and gave it a DNF (did not finish). It just got exponentially terrible. 

Dayna is a runaway witch. She fled her witchy hometown because she sucks at magic and all the mean girls at her high school were making her life miserable. Apparently there is some kind of weird second puberty for witches around 30ish and Dayna has to come back to train to control her magic? Or something I don’t know. TJ McAllister (who I kept calling TJ McSexxxypants and/or TJ Hooker) is the warlock sent to get her. Blah blah, he gets her and accidentally marks her as his mate. Blah blah, she comes back but he doesn’t want to be tied down so he basically dumps her on the town’s weird bureaucracy for training. Dayna has to train and is taking night high school classes, complete with mean girls, cliques and bullshit. Dayna’s story is about coming into her powers and redeeming herself in 2nd high school, while TJ is on a mission to save witchy kind from evil forces by finding The One. (Who, duh, is Dayna). He’s also half Native-American which makes him part shaman, or something. 

Basically my problem with this book was that there were so much crap all mixed together. Each time I turned around there was a different theme or set of references being added to a character. I just didn’t feel like everything worked together. One chapter would have Dayna fighting high school mean girls, the next chapter TJ is fighting evil spy warlocks, then there’d be a romance chapter. It just became clunky. A better author might have been able to make these things work, or set a better tone for all the elements to work together. Here it just felt sloppy and disjointed. Although the final straw for me was that through some more complicated and, frankly, stupid mythology warlocks aren’t supposed to get blow jobs. But Dayna wants to give him “his pleasure” or some nonsense. I read that bit about BJs and literally yelled “OMG BJs are VERBOTEN!!” Then I had to explain to my roommate why I was yelling about BJs alone in my room at 11 o’clock at night. That is really how I’d surmise this book, stupid plots point created through terrible convoluted logic to create unnecessary conflict.  

I must say that even though I couldn’t finish it there were aspects of the book that spurred me on. I got through about 2/3rds of the book and then read the last chapter to find out what happened. I said early that there were too many elements mixed together, but often the elements on their own were very interesting. I felt like I was reading 3 fun books that just happened to be mixed together. Dayna was spunky and fun, TJ was a sexy and interesting hero. I wanted to see the two of them get together, I wanted to see Dayna learn about her powers, and I wanted to find out how they defeated the evil. But I just couldn’t keep wading through the other terrible aspects of the book. Plus that whole forbidden BJs thing just pissed me off. In a book with lots of sex set in the modern world I really don’t understand how an author can justify writing that. 

I give it 1 out of 5 William Shatners.

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